I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
