How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
