I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
