is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
