so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
