maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
