let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
