you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
