My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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