She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
