Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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