yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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