Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
