I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
