i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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