Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
