I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
