Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
