I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
