I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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