If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
