i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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