paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
