Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
