the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
