her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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