I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize