why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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