your parents love me but you hate me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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