sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Farmville is her only friend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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