so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize