CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
