my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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