therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
