haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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