im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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