mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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