Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
