the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
