I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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