I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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