More tranny stories later!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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