i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
