I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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