Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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