Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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