I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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