I love black thongs
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
