At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
