I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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