my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i think i just lost a toe
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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