Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
