I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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