She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
