Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
