Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
