i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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