This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Randomize
