it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cockslap morals
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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