Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
