i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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