you guys were way drunker than both of me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
