Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
