your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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