my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
