Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
