hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
