birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
