I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
