I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
