my mouth tastes like poor choices
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
