somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
