haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
