I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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