I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
