Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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