Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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