So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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