Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
