i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
