Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
being pregnant is like rehab
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
