So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
