reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
