Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
