There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
