Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
