i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
